Oh, my goodness, I LOVE everything about this post/thread. Whilst I totally realise this thread is from earlier in the year, and an older conversation I am so glad I have just stumbled across this. (Apologies in advance for your emails going crazy that you have a reply on a post you made months ago!!)
Firstly, I am assuming since then and now you have turned 30? If so, how are you finding it? I hope it has not been as anxiety provoking as you thought?
I turn 32 in December, and honestly feel I am the happiest I have ever been and it is only now do I feel that I really understand myself as a person. For the first time ever, I have been able to set boundaries and say ‘no’ because honestly staying in and having ‘me time’ is much more appealing, and being okay with this.
A lot of my closest friends are married, engaged, own a house, and have children and at this moment in time, I don’t have any of them. For a long, long time felt I was failing. Largely because you compare yourself to those around you, grow up with societal expectations and became accustomed to thinking ‘by the time I am 28 I will have two children’ in our heads.
I ended up thinking something was wrong with me and carried so much negativity towards myself. All because I had not reached those milestones.
When I turned 30, came out of a long-term relationship, had to return to my parents and honestly thought I was failing life, as touched on above. Prior to that, at 28 I bought my first flat and it was a horrendous experience, which I will not bore you with but I ended up having to sell it and lost everything.
I paid for therapy as when I turned 31 I found it hard to open up to those around me who had everything, but what even is everything?! I struggled to see what I had achieved within work, and outside of work, and what challenges I had thrown myself into, and what I had overcome in my own personal life.
Earlier this year I underwent gynae surgery for diagnostic purposes following years of painful period pains (something we really don’t talk about enough). It transpired I have blocked fallopian tubes and therefore my future is uncertain with regards to having children and my fertility journey will likely be faced with complications. You may wonder why I am sharing this, but one thing I noticed was the ongoing expectation of hitting 30 and the sudden assumption of having children and asking me how I feel about the fact I can’t or might not be able to. Again, placing that spotlight on the societal expectation of those around me of you must have children, and it almost feeling criminal that I may never have been sure, or not considering my emotions that it may be out of my hands.
It led me to think why do we not normalise turning 30 and it being okay we don’t have children/don’t have a house/not in a 10 year relationship/change careers. Why don’t we celebrate turning 30 and embrace the unknown and normalise how exciting it is that we still have years ahead of us to reach those milestones.
As I say, I am now nearly 32 and the happiest and most content I have ever been. Turning 30 needs to be spoken about more, turning 30 and not having all the milestones ticked off needs to be normalised, particularly for our younger generation.
I really hope you are enjoying your 30s, it really is the start of your best times!