30s / Pregnancy / Life Changes / Anxiety!

Hello wonderful ladies :blush:

Didnt realise turning 30 would induce a rush of anxiety and panic with regards to my body and career options!
Curious to know if anyone faced the same uncertainty to start family/ leaving your 20’s behind and making friends?
What helped? Is there a community or site that you vouch for 30 somethings!

Thank you in advance!

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Most of my friends are married, purchasing houses (or have done!) and have children and it’s easy to fall into the trap of comparison - so definitely don’t do that and don’t panic. There are so many options for both children and career. Once you have children, your life will change forever (the advice I am constantly given!) so I always think it’s good to work out your main priorities and what you love doing most/ would love to achieve. I would recommend events for networking and meeting people - especially talks or subjects that you enjoy. Fitness classes are also a good way to meet people. Book clubs? Wine clubs? Both Roxie Nafousi’s Manifest books are a nice read - whether you believe in Manifesting or not I really liked her style of writing and it makes you really evaluate your past and present behaviours, motivations, friendships. Thought provoking! X

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SUCH a good thread and we need to talk about this more. I had a full on breakdown when I turned 30 for all these reasons but I think it’s just a bit of a rite of passage. I love the idea of book clubs and wine clubs, but it’s also important to take stock of your life as it is now and look for the good stuff – your existing friends, family and what opportunities still exist for you. Also my aunt had kids at 40 and 42 completely naturally. Don’t subscribe to society’s artificial expectations - it’s complete rubbish.

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Thank you @jessicaeades @HarrietRussell for acknowledging this post and for the wonderful suggestions :slight_smile: It makes me feel I’m not alone in going through this!
It almost feels like I’m in between one part still holding onto my 20s wondering if I did/achieved everything I set up to be and the other worried about how 30s would look like for me
I’m not sure if it’s the societal pressure or as you mentioned the comparison that sets in when you see your friends/people on insta having a balanced life with having kids, career , owning a house etc!

I’ll definitely be on the look out for clubs around Oxford and also have a read on manifesting books you suggested jessica!

Thank you :heart:

Pleasure. You’re definitely not alone! It’s also never too late to achieve anything. So many women change careers in their 40’s and 50’s!

I think it’s a bit of both, social pressure, social media and the old school, job, marriage and children classic life path for women. If you switch it around - those of your friends with children would LOVE to sit and read a book and pop to a wine club, so when you get stuck in a rut perhaps try to look at it that way and make sure you enjoy the freedom! :wink:

Apparently your 30’s are your best years - so I’ve been told.

Take care & enjoy the books! x

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I felt this exact way when i turned 30. Then from nowhere the opportunity to live and work abroad arose and i was able to grab it with both hands as i was free and single-best years of my life (pre-kids!) Then when i was super happy living abroad and all set to move permanently i met my now husband, fell madly in love and got engaged and moved back! Now been married 9 years with two lovely kids. I thought i was so late to meet someone (32) get married (34) and have kids (36&37) but looking back that is madness, not old at all and i am SO grateful i had those single years living my best life.

It’s so hard the not knowing but if you can, do what you can to make yourself happy alone and in my experience that is when the best things happen.

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It’s so true you never know what’s round the corner… stay as optimistic as possible. Every time I look back at a certain age I realise how young I actually was…

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I turned 30 last year and it did make me feel a little funny I have to say! I don’t really know why, I think it was more the perceived external pressure from others re getting engaged, saving money, having kids etc. more than anything I feel about myself. but 30s are great, generalising here of course but I’m at the best place I’ve been in my career, relationship, financial situation etc. and remind myself to reflect and see what I’ve achieved so that I can enjoy it. But its also totally fine to not know 100% where your life is going at this age, 30 is still so young! wouldn’t mind my 20 year old body back to be fair ahah! I have plenty of friends that are making career changes, starting studying new courses, moving cities, going out partying every weekend, then there’s those with houses and kids etc. I have one foot firmly in my 20s still and am 31 this year aha! Afraid i’ve not tried any clubs or apps for making friends but you never know who you might meet through work, nights out etc so good to put yourself out there whenever you can :). Caggie Dunlop has a podcast called Saturn returns where she discusses this topic - worth a listen! x

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I think every female has a “moment” when you turn 30, but I can promise you it’ll be your best decade yet!
I moved from Australia to London at 31 (after a breakup from a long term partner), I thought I was “over the hill” to do that, that London was just for people in their 20’s, how wrong was I!! My career took off, I made best friends for life, and have had some of the most AMAZING experiences I never thought possible! I’ve just turned 40, have fallen pregnant (naturally), after meeting the man of my dreams …

What worked for me was truly believing everyone does things at different times in life, and became truly at peace with that, and I lived my life for ME, I said ‘yes’ to everything (safely!) and realised that anything is possible! … good luck, you’ve got this! :heart::muscle:t2:

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I can’t even begin to thank you all :heart::smiling_face_with_three_hearts: Truly had goosebumps reading your comments! I feel a new sense of clarity and confidence!
I’m definitely going to try to be mindful of what I feed my mind just started my gratitude journal and it has honestly helped me count all the things I’ve worked so hard for in my 20s and now that I move closer to 30s it’s time to look forward to different goals :heart_eyes: I’ll also be signing up for my first yoga class :person_in_lotus_position:
Big virtual hug to you guys @Amelie @Mia_Luckie @jessicaeades @hannah_pain @HarrietRussell :heart:

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Oh, my goodness, I LOVE everything about this post/thread. Whilst I totally realise this thread is from earlier in the year, and an older conversation I am so glad I have just stumbled across this. (Apologies in advance for your emails going crazy that you have a reply on a post you made months ago!!)

Firstly, I am assuming since then and now you have turned 30? If so, how are you finding it? I hope it has not been as anxiety provoking as you thought?

I turn 32 in December, and honestly feel I am the happiest I have ever been and it is only now do I feel that I really understand myself as a person. For the first time ever, I have been able to set boundaries and say ‘no’ because honestly staying in and having ‘me time’ is much more appealing, and being okay with this.

A lot of my closest friends are married, engaged, own a house, and have children and at this moment in time, I don’t have any of them. For a long, long time felt I was failing. Largely because you compare yourself to those around you, grow up with societal expectations and became accustomed to thinking ‘by the time I am 28 I will have two children’ in our heads.
I ended up thinking something was wrong with me and carried so much negativity towards myself. All because I had not reached those milestones.

When I turned 30, came out of a long-term relationship, had to return to my parents and honestly thought I was failing life, as touched on above. Prior to that, at 28 I bought my first flat and it was a horrendous experience, which I will not bore you with but I ended up having to sell it and lost everything.

I paid for therapy as when I turned 31 I found it hard to open up to those around me who had everything, but what even is everything?! I struggled to see what I had achieved within work, and outside of work, and what challenges I had thrown myself into, and what I had overcome in my own personal life.

Earlier this year I underwent gynae surgery for diagnostic purposes following years of painful period pains (something we really don’t talk about enough). It transpired I have blocked fallopian tubes and therefore my future is uncertain with regards to having children and my fertility journey will likely be faced with complications. You may wonder why I am sharing this, but one thing I noticed was the ongoing expectation of hitting 30 and the sudden assumption of having children and asking me how I feel about the fact I can’t or might not be able to. Again, placing that spotlight on the societal expectation of those around me of you must have children, and it almost feeling criminal that I may never have been sure, or not considering my emotions that it may be out of my hands.

It led me to think why do we not normalise turning 30 and it being okay we don’t have children/don’t have a house/not in a 10 year relationship/change careers. Why don’t we celebrate turning 30 and embrace the unknown and normalise how exciting it is that we still have years ahead of us to reach those milestones.

As I say, I am now nearly 32 and the happiest and most content I have ever been. Turning 30 needs to be spoken about more, turning 30 and not having all the milestones ticked off needs to be normalised, particularly for our younger generation.

I really hope you are enjoying your 30s, it really is the start of your best times!

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We need more of these conversations!!! It’s ok to not have the “perfect life” that we see on social media. It’s ok to be in difference situations to our friends and it’s ok to not want children!
Amazing post Megs. Thankyou for sharing!

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Oh Megan! :pleading_face::heart: this was everything and what a beautiful reminder at the right time ( divine intervention)
I just turned 30 3 days ago and was beginning to feel all the “ pressure” mentioned above
It was lovely re- reading all of these wonderful comments.
I don’t feel particularly different however must be honest I feel a shift when it comes to pressure of being pregnant
Am I there yet? What about career … will my body be the same? Will I have issues …. I don’t know if it’s my own mind or the fact the many people around me are having babies!
Thank you for taking the time to share your experiences I really do appreciate it :heart:
Sending you all good vibes always

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