I’m a long-time SL fan, but this is the first time I’ve posted.
I’m 38 and going through an extremely painful breakup from my fiancé, who recently ended our relationship after 6 years together. We bought a beautiful house not long ago, with plans for a family and, I thought, a happy life together, making this is doubly painful. I feel like my ex has had some kind of midlife crisis, but he’s not for changing his decision.
I have lots of kind and supportive friends but am wondering if there is anyone in the same / similar boat, dealing with heartbreak or a break-up, who might fancy meeting up for a coffee to share experiences and try to support one another? I live in SW London and work in central London.
A breakup is never easy, so it’s good that you have a great network of friends to lean on at this hard time
After an ex fiancé broke off our relationship, finding my happy place again really helped me.
Find something that’s just for you and that you connect to on a personal level. Whether it’s running, reading, writing a book, learning a new skill or language, charity work… it’s easy to forget yourself or put yourself second when you’re in a relationship!
For me it was getting back to my creativity. I’m not very good at it but I’ve always loved sewing, painting and making stuff. It brings me so much joy and it’s not about anyone else but me! So much so I don’t even take on board any of the negative (and usually unsolicited!) comments that it attracts from time to time
Stay strong in the knowledge that it won’t always be like this. With time you will feel better and the next chapter of your life will just start without you even realising!
I wish you peace and healing and be kind to yourself
Thank you so much. The pain feels unbearable at the minute. Your advice is much appreciated and I’m glad you have been able to find happiness again after your own break-up. xx
I’m so sorry to hear that you’re going through such a hard time, it’s never easy! I went through a breakup from a 3 year relationship which was so hard but definitely the right decision for us both (even though it didn’t feel that way at the time).
After the breakup I tried to focus on myself and moving forward as much as possible. Fill your time doing the things you enjoy and spend time with friends - it sounds like you’re very lucky to have so many amazing friends! Keeping busy, making fun plans and booking holidays to look forward to helps a lot but also make sure you take care of yourself and rest when you need to.
If it brings any comfort, I am now with someone else and I’m the happiest I’ve ever been. I also always find comfort in the saying “everything happens for a reason” - as hard as everything feels right now, I promise better things are coming x
My husband ended our marriage three months after I turned 30, I was blindsided and absolutely devastated.
All of my friends and family at the time would say (on repeat) “time is a healer”, “everything happens for a reason” etc and I found it infuriating.
In my experience you have to go through the motions of being upset and angry, feel allll the feels, take as much time as you need. Keep going at work even though you might not feel like it, spend time with your friends, I had a great friend and we joined the gym together so I threw myself into that but I’d also sit and cry if I wanted to. I had some sessions with a therapist which I had access to through an employee assistance programme with my employer at the time, I found it really helpful to talk to someone who was impartial. Most importantly try not to put any pressure on yourself right now or think too far ahead.
At some point in the not too distant future something will just click and you’ll be ready to pick yourself up again and move on.
My friends and family were right, it just takes times, I spent a lot of time trying to convince by ex to make it work but he’d made his mind up and one day after a very intense conversation with him it just clicked and I walked away, I took control of the situation and I haven’t looked back.
I found this article by Katherine Ormerod when I was going through my break-up, I still have it saved to my favourites now. I didn’t have any friends who were married let alone going through a divorce or break-up so I found it so relatable and it gave me hope that I would be OK. I love the advice Katherine gets from Diane von Furstenberg, it is so true.
Take care of yourself and you will be OK, I promise! X
