Starting life over at 29, any advice or similar stories?

Life
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A heavier post, thank you for reading and listening x

Hey everyone,

I’m currently going through an extremely painful and pivotal point in my life and I wondered if anyone could share any advice or similar stories? Sometimes it’s so comforting to hear from other women, and women who don’t already have a biased opinion.

So, my boyfriend and I of 3 years have ended our relationship, we were travelling at the time and had also moved out of London together into a beautiful house (which he bought) in the countryside that I had spent the last few months before travelling making our own. We’ve returned from travelling, which we ended up cutting short, and the reality of everything is hitting me hard.

Last summer I took voluntary separation from my job in london, at a company I was desperate to leave anyway, and knowing we were moving out of the city and then going travelling it felt right to do so. But now, after over 10 years of living independently, moving to London, falling in and out of love both with partners and the city, moving around the city in different flat shares and with friends, moving around different industries and jobs, then meeting my (now ex) partner, truly believing he’s the one, renting together, house hunting together, moving out to the countryside together into a home which we planned on building a life and having a family in, I can’t believe the reality of the situation I have found myself in.

I have barely any savings due to the summer redundancy and travelling, I don’t have a job, I’ve lost the man I thought was my life partner, I’ve lost my home, and I’m needing to move up north to stay with my parents whilst I figure out how on earth to pick myself up and move forward. I don’t know where to go from here and I would love any insight into similar situations or advice. I’m fiercely independent, I love being in love, a lot of my friends now live in london, and I just feel like a total failure. Plus, the thought of flat sharing again or working in a job I feel no connection to or passion for just makes me feel beyond flat.

Thanks for any advice
B.x

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Sorry to hear about what you are currently going through. One piece of advice I can give is to feel everything out. I know it seems counterproductive but one day this situation will be a memory in your journey of life but unfortunately right now you are living in it. So cry, scream, journal, sleep etc feel all the negative feelings you need to feel for awhile.

Then start tending to yourself- ask yourself questions. What went wrong, what went right, what lessons can you learn etc? How can you move forward? I recommend the book The Untethered Soul. The only way to heal is to go through the process and trust me you will emerge on the other side a better woman because of it even if it doesn’t feel like that right now. Also if you can afford talking therapies I would try that too.

Wishing you the best :two_hearts:

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Hi B

I am sorry that you are going through a painful time in your life it probably feels like the worst curveball and why is this happening to you etc. however I wholeheartedly believe that everything happens for a reason and that life is throwing this at you because you can handle it and you were meant to be on a different path- (I’m not even spiritual at all sorry if it sounds that way!)

I think I was also late 20’s when my life took a significant turn, I had brought my dream house with my partner of 7 years and we were spending a lot of money on renovations and planning for the future when I found a text on his phone which basically informed me he had cheated on me. I had never in 7 years checked his phone before so I believe it was women’s intuition! It was horrendous and he left that night, I thought about going back a couple of times but I think I was more thinking about all what I would lose than my happiness. Eventually I made my decision and we sold the house and I moved back with my parents to start again. I was probably suffering with a bit of depression during this time and my family were very worried however I knew I just needed time to heal- I feel like my life shifted after this, I got together with my childhood sweetheart, went out with friends and lived more freely and gain confidence.
I truly feel my setback back lead me to where I am now and my heartbreak and sadness had to happen.

I wish you all the luck and I feel like you are going to need some time out so moving north and with parents will be a huge help in your healing even though it won’t feel like that and I think everything will fall into place, just take baby steps and look after yourself. Apply for a few jobs even if it’s just short term, join the gym or a class where you can just meet people and be open to your future :slight_smile:

not sure if this helps but thought I would share xxx

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Hello, firstly sending cuddles, it must all feel like everything is against you at the moment. I went through a similar thing in my early 30’s and with a 3 yr old. I think you just need to think about what makes you happy, what job, Uk or abroad as the silver lining at the moment is the world is yours to take and explore. Build your confidence, listen to podcasts about failure, read books about separating and just know what you are the centre of your universe. You can do whatever you want, and be gentle with yourself. I promise you as Yazz sung many many moons ago the only way is up!

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I’m sorry you are going through such a hard time. Please make sure to reach out to friends and family and the people who love you, and really rely on them - that is what they are there for.

Any breakup is hard, especially when you have built a life together such as you have. I can guarantee, however, that you are not a total failure, by any measure. By all means take some time to heal, but I think it’s important to reframe the way you look at these situations, this could be the opportunity to start something new, to go down a new avenue that you have otherwise been too tied up with other commitments (i.e job, living situation) to explore.

Write down a list of goals, start small and work up to the big ones. It can feel overwhelming all at once, but once you start ticking things off that list you’ll feel a sense of progress and accomplishment.

Above all, be kind to yourself. Take care x

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I am truly sorry you’re having to go through such a hard time. Absolutely support all the advice given above, so lovely to read through all these kind words, and I can only agree in these situations you have to try and be kind to yourself.

I know what it feels like to think you have lost it all and there is no way getting it back. It can eat you up, hindering you from trying anything new. But I promise you, you are not a failure. Not at all. And it’s more than okay to take your time to find your path. We live in a world where we easily compare ourselves to everyone around us and we feel like we have to be somewhere specific at any specific age. Especially financial pressure can get the best of us, feeling like we aren’t where we’re supposed to be.

But the best you can do right now, is to take little steps forward, find out what works for you, what you might feel passionate about and then you will soon find that you’re progressing again.

Remember to reach out to family and friends, let yourself feel loved and take time to heal xx

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